Tuesday, May 27, 2008

in the secret, in the quiet place

quiet time is a peculiar thing.

there is no doubt in my mind that personal time with the Lord in scripture & prayer (or journaling, singing, being in nature, etc) is absolutely essential to spiritual growth and a deepened relationship with God. it's simple. read your Bible and talk to God about it--you grow. don't & you wither. it really is that simple. the recent times in my life when i've avoided daily quiet times for an extended period, i can literally feel myself withering. and still somehow, that simple formula isn't enough motivation to keep it up.

okay, so i don't have enough self-discipline to effectively monitor my spiritual growth all the time, but surely the awesome fact that the God of the universe wants to hang out with me everyday would be more than enough reason for me to happily sit down with my bible and journal and talk with God regularly. when i do--He blows me away. it is amazing how God will speak to your heart (with words you were hoping to hear or with words that you were afraid to hear) if you give Him the time & listen. i've been moved to tears by a verse i've read a million times before, i've been struck dumb by His great love revealed in nature, i've shivered with "God-bumps" (the form of goosebumps you get when you can tangibly sense His presence) after reading an old journal entry. some days i wake up wanting to do nothing else but start the day in scripture, or i'll stay up late at night finishing a book of scripture that has entangled my heart.

then there are days like today. i got home from a great afternoon of babysitting (i fed--he ate! i rocked--he slept!), finished my homework, and had lots of lovely free time. in between laundry and other chores around the house, i knew i wanted to sit down with my bible and spend time with God. i was really thankful to have the unexpected time because this week is looking to be a bit hectic (and of course quiet time always seems to be the first thing to go when things get busy...another problem). and then i just kept avoiding my Bible, and finally admitted to myself that i just didn't feel like having quiet time. i had plenty of time to devote to it, but i didn't want to.

why? knowing the richness of blessing that comes from even a few genuine minutes with the Lord, why do i avoid sitting down with Him? do i have intimacy issues? as i've grown in my faith & deeper in relationship with the Lord, do i feel like i'm getting too close? or am i just lazy? do i expect Him to do all the work (well, in many ways, He already has done all the work) in our relationship, knowing that He is far more loving, faithful, and willing to put up with my junk? that He will always be there even when i choose to skip out? that i may avoid Him but it never even crossed His mind to avoid me?

this reminds me of a story i read in a book once (sorry i can't give credit where it's due). basically it was a little illustration of a man and his relationship with the Lord. once the man became a believer, he began meeting with God. Each day he came to a cozy room with two armchairs, a fireplace (insert your ideal cozy setting here) & always found Jesus there waiting for him, ready to talk about anything and everything. as time went on, the man found himself missing a few of his daily meetings with the Lord, but when he did show up, Jesus was always there. eventually, the man slowly but surely stopped meeting with Jesus at all. after months and months had gone by, he came once again to the room with the armchairs, not really expecting much. but there was Jesus, sitting by the fire like always. the man was a little shocked, and said, "i'm so sorry i haven't been here in so long. i regret the time i've lost with You." Jesus replied, "I've been here everyday even when you haven't. I look forward to this time, it is something special to me, and I wouldn't miss it for anything."

well, the book told it better than i could, but that's the gist--and it's really convicting to me. quiet time isn't just about me coming to God and taking something away--renewal, confidence, answered questions. that's only a small part of it. my meeting with God brings Him enjoyment--He delights in me. He likes talking to me, even though i usually don't know what to say. this should be obvious--a relationship isn't one-sided. it's both of us together. my only prayer is that i can continue to see the eternal blessing that comes from regular time spent with the Lord. tonight i finally switched on itunes and listened to a bit of caedmon's call & jars of clay before flipping through my journal and reading romans 15 and a couple psalms.

praise God that He is there waiting no matter how many times i stand Him up.

2 comments:

Al Hsu said...

I came to your blog through Ashleigh's tag. FYI, the story comes from the booklet My Heart--Christ's Home by Robert Boyd Munger (IVP). A classic.

Whitney said...

thank you for the reference!