catch my attention

in recent years, there's a prayer that i've started to pray that is somewhat dangerous.

Lord, catch my attention.

truth be told, God could answer that prayer in many ways. so let me clarify. i pray this prayer from a place of complacency. of frustration with myself or with a system in which i am embedded (America, the Church, my family).

catch-my-attention prayers don't ask for blessing. they do ask for healing, but healing through brokenness. these are prayers that ask for something "bad" to happen in order to wake me from my blindness to what is really happening. to jolt me out of the routines and habits that have become destructive without my awareness.

so i should clarify even further--this is a prayer i'm trying to pray. when i'm honest with myself, it's not something i'm really prepared to ask for. but i'm thankful that my eyes are being opened to why i need to pray this way.

the first time i prayed in this way was during undergrad. it was the end of my junior year and i was trying to decide (yet again) whether or not i should change my major. i had several long phone conversations with my parents, and out of this context came a revelation from my father that he was unhappy in his job--and nearly always had been. he does extremely well for himself, and for the family by extension, but the long hours and the lack of fulfillment had begun to pile up, i believe. of course, i saw this as a nudging from the God my father doesn't know very well, a nudge towards something of greater significance. out of this, i began to pray that my father would lose his job--or that something would happen that would drive him to quit. (we're getting honest here). i knew that there was no way he could just up and leave a job of such security and benefits for our whole family. but i grew to see that such a thing might be the best way for my father to find fulfillment and find God. how true is it, sad or not, that so many people meet God when they're forced to their knees or in their last hour? it's that jolt out of complacency and comfort that makes the bubble pop and lets us see that there is much more to life than the idols we have created--there is a God who loves us, there are family and friends who love us more for our money or our accomplishments, there is a beautiful world full of beautiful people brimming with potential.

my dad is still with his same job, and i know that i benefit from his success immensely--and always have. i know that if this prayer were to be fulfilled, i would lose a lot of the things in which i have grown comfortable. an upheaval in the family of this sort might then serve two purposes: to lead my father to a place of fulfillment and to snap me out of my reliance on the material things he has always provided for me.

i actually started thinking about this post today during my last Old Testament class of the semester. we've spent a lot of time in this class discussing the theme of land in the OT--how central it is to the relationship between God and Israel, how it is gift, it is covenant. the Israelites received their law codes while they were yet outside the land. the Deuteronomic sermon was given just on the other side of the Jordan (putatively at least). as the Israelites stood on the brink of landedness for the first time in their existence as a people, on the brink of the Abrahamic promise fulfilled, God issued a warning: things are different in the land. when you settle down, build houses and towns and get comfortable, don't forget that this land is a precious gift from God. don't get complacent--you're not going to have to collect manna everyday from now on, but remember where you're blesings come from. as my professor aptly put it, it becomes very tempting to forget that it is God who provides when there's a Walmart up the street. and of course, what happened? the Israelites did forget. they became complacent in their blessings and left Torah behind. and God caught their attention: exile.

there's a lot of implications here that i won't go into, because the point i want to make is that there is a glaring analogy between the people of ancient Israel and contemporary America. we are complacent in our blessings, in our Christianity! we have little respect for the land--it is exploited instead of appreciated. we have Walmarts and Starbucks and iPods and SUVs and all the rest of it (please know i implicate myself in all of these things). our earth is dying, our ("national") faith is a facade, and we can hardly distinguish God from Santa Claus, from President Obama.

how does God need to catch our attention as a nation? that is one heck of a scary question--and i'm terrified to pray it. but i'm also convicted--America is hurting. American Christianity is moving further and further away from biblical principles to self-help mumbo-jumbo. we are certainly due for an "exile"--we've long since broken covenant. how will God respond? and how can i pray for our nation to be knocked down off its high horse a bit while still embodying love and goodness? what will it take to grab our attention, and what will it cost? i don't know the answer, but i think it's something i need to start praying for.

habakkuk 1:5--Look at the nations and watch--and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.

Are we prepared to take God up on that? are we ready for this to happen in our generation?

as i said before, i am every bit as wrapped up in american consumerism and the like as the next girl. maybe i'm even worse off, because i'm starting to recognize these flaws and still fail to really act--to stop shopping at Walmart and drinking fancy lattes and filling my closet with too many clothes.

i have other catch-my-attention prayers that i've been praying for myself, most of which revolve around my new seminary experience. i've been lulled into a place of what has felt at times like spiritual complacency (though as mentioned in my last post, Pastor Shane may disagree by the simple fact that i'm in seminary, but it's still how i feel sometimes). so i pray for God to catch my attention, to grab my spiritual heart--again, not knowing what that will look like (it's often in the form of Psalm 51:10-12). maybe seeing something like the awesome power of nature (hmm, the Atlanta floods??) or having to rigorously defend my faith. another, more concrete example has been my struggle with perfectionism. i've considered praying for a 'C' (or below?!) on a paper or even in a class so i can see that nothing will be chucked out the window if that happens--not my faith, not my career, not my friends and family. stepping out from under the shadow of a 4.0 GPA might be really nice. it might be really nice not to feel compelled to live up to the pressure i put on myself to maintain that at Candler. that's not why i'm here.

praying these prayers genuinely, i think, is going to next require moving to a place where I'm prepared and truly willing for God to answer them.