thanksgiving thoughts

today was rather mundane. i'm sure those of you who spent the day with countless family members, fighting for elbow room at the table and for the last piece of pumpkin pie, might think i'm crazy for saying this, but i crave those big family gatherings because i so rarely experience them. and this was my year at the house where there's no bustle in the kitchen and no traditional family recipes. and there's cursing around the table (and every other second of the day). i know there's families a lot worse off than mine, and there are many people who can't afford a Thanksgiving meal, home-cooked or not, but sometimes my heart breaks within me and other times my anger seethes within me because i'm so uncomfortable and crave something more, er, wholesome, for lack of a better word. wholesome we are not and the whole living-by-example thing is not working for my family. all i ever come off as is the holier-than-thou black sheep. sometimes i just want to pull the plug and give up on these relationships...
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i have never once ventured out of the house on black Friday--and tomorrow i have to work...in retail. i'm not scheduled until 10am, thank goodness, but i'm still rather dreading it.
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this morning, as is traditional for me personally, i watched the macy's parade, or at least had it on as background noise. the theme for this year, apparently, was 'believe'--as in, believe in Santa Claus. all magical and whimsical and reminiscient of childhood, no? meh. even as one being quite distant from motherhood, i'm conflicted about whether or not to even instigate this deception with my own children. maybe some would argue that it is a great way to build faith in young hearts--but this story ends without a hero. spoiler--santa isn't real. why, why, WHY should we encourage our children to believe in something false? why should we lie and set them up for disappointment? especially when that lie is one of the key offenders in the secularization of Christmas. but i guess today macy's decided that was the message they wanted to send to millions of people--belief in something false. anyone up for making christmas about belief in something Real? i think that may have once been the point...

okay, enough anti-cultural banter here for one holiday. and the generally negative tone of this post. i hope your thanksgiving was blessed.