nos vemos

every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

thank you, semisonic. last night i continued the process of making an end in the face of a new beginning (t-minus 6 days in chapel hill). i had dinner and a movie with my beloveds, rachel and kristen, which we enjoyed despite the fact that betsey couldn't make it. when she arrived, rachel hugged me in a way that felt familiar. a simple hug, like one you'd give to the cousin you see every other weekend or to your best friend down the street circa fifth grade. then i sat in my same old seat at kristen's table, we ate kristen's bread & my salad & rachel's cookies as per usual. then we started chatting about goodbyes. how do you say goodbye to a person? to a place? i admitted to them that i usually cop out at saying goodbye because it feels too final. by pretending that i'm going to continue seeing someone just like always, despite the fact that we're going our separate ways, i remove the painful parting process and it instead turns into a gradual fading away. the problem is, that gradual fade thing usually becomes quite permanent. the painful stuff is what you've got to do to maintain stronger relationships. and here they were, two of the last people in the world i want to say goodbye to, helping me recognize that our time is coming to say goodbye, and i won't get away with fading them out.

are our lives just cycles of what is comfortable and what is unfamiliar? i was comfortable at home for 18 years, then college happened and i had to completely readjust everything i knew. now i'm quite comfortable at carolina, but it's time to leave and begin again. it is time. it may (it will) be awkward and transition-y in kentucky for a couple of weeks, but i know that before too long, that will be my home and that will be community, and i will be comfortable again. but this time it' will only be a year--then i'll jump into something else unfamiliar. i think eventually i'll stop moving for a more significant chunk of time, but right now, though it's a little scary and, in fact, uncomfortable, this is living! sure, i could stay in chapel hill forever and meet with rachel and kristen and betsey for dinner once a week and ride the CW bus to our beautiful campus and laugh with amanda in our room before we go to sleep. but then i wouldn't meet all these amazing youth in kentucky, and i wouldn't see what God has for me there. if i had turned around and headed back home because carolina was uncomfortable at first, i never would know the blessings that i am so reluctant to leave now! i was so nervous about co-leading with rachel because i'd never so much as talked to her in our first 3 years at carolina, and now she is one of my favorite people EVER, a genuine friend. what promise God has in store for us, if only we can make the jump into the unknown!

in all fairness, i actually have some extra assurance that this whole kentucky experience is going to rock. this past weekend, with my chinese leftovers i took home 3 fortune cookies, and all 3, yes count them, 3 , promise an exciting future:

• You are about to embark on a most delightful journey!
• New and rewarding opportunities will soon develop for you.
  
• Many successes will accompany you this year.
  

In my opinion, these are all a step above the normal ones you get, which aren't really fortunes at all: "you are a quiet soul" or "the dog needs walking" etc. now i don't know if God deals in fortune cookies much, but since He created the universe, i'm pretty confident in saying He could probably manage to get those little pieces of paper inside the cookies, thereby sending me a 3-fold assurance that this adventure upon which i'm about to embark is going to be stellar.

(i also know how to say "cherry", "how much", and "autumn" in chinese now--likewise quite useful)

i'm going to fayette-nam this afternoon to spend the night with kwood! i know this is a big one where i need to explicitly bid my farewells, so i'm going to try...but maybe not with goodbye. i think the hispanic culture has it right--a kiss on the cheek and "nos vemos." i'll be seeing you.

grab bag

5. more. days. of. college.

....

ahhhhhhh!


why do the tags on clothing say to dry with like colors? washing--sure, that makes sense, but drying?


i think we can all agree that mother teresa was a pretty amazing woman. i was reading in ashleigh's christian trivia/almanac book today & there was a piece on her--mother teresa did some phenomenal things in this world, and changed countless lives for the better. but then it hit me--mother teresa really isn't exceptional. she just was actually living out what Jesus told His followers to do. all of us. i hope you'll excuse the guilt trip, because i assure you, the finger is pointing directly at me as well--but what would our world look like if we all chose to actually follow Jesus like mother teresa did? i think the kingdom of heaven would be here on earth already! WE have that power--more importantly, Jesus has given it to us. but yet we're not all willing to sell all our possessions, live among the sick & dying, take the Gospel to the furthest reaches of the earth, etc. but that's certainly what Jesus did--and it seems to be what He calls us to as well. don't get me wrong, in NO way am i saying that unless you help as many people as mother teresa, you aren't making an impact for Christ, you aren't a real Christian, or any of that. i believe that loving just one person, really loving them, is life-changing and revolutionary and glorifying to God. it's just really interesting to think what this world would be like if we all took a chance on Jesus's crazy commissions. praise God for His grace.


brad pitt apparently bought a table worth $300,000 in the last few days--yet he & angelina are saving the world one orphaned child at a time (among other things). is it all right to spend lavishly and irresponsibly if you can back it up with charitable work? i wonder what mother teresa would think. i wonder what Jesus would think. (ashleigh's book also contained the back story on the WWJD bracelets, in case you were wondering. i also learned about the dead pope who was put on trial & stripped of his papal vestments posthumously. then they threw him in the river. tough crowd.)


for someone who is as much of a smarty-pants as i am (and i do mean that pejoratively), i'm really terrible at pub quizzes. one of the only questions i felt completely confident about answering in 4 whole rounds was about the powder puff girls...and that's just sad. at least i was with my betsey and my rachel and my kristen (yes, you three are mine--don't try to escape).


our refrigerator continues to behave mysteriously. today i pulled out a ziplock bag in which i had stored a bag of lettuce and a bag of carrots. the carrots were frozen. the lettuce was not. the same thing happened with amanda's eggs--she cracked one open frozen & another one was just fine. which all leads me to say, you can't count your frozen eggs before they hatch.

aaaaaaaaaand scene.

oh, carrboro

i officially love summer in chapel hill. maybe because i'm in this strange place of stasis between school and my internship, holding onto the past with the future right around the corner. it's like i'm hanging in the air between two sides of a gorge--my feet have pushed off the ground behind me, and though i can see the other side, i haven't yet landed. and i sure am enjoying the view while i'm somewhere in the middle.

i also love it because my roomies are awesome, class stuff is relatively chill, hanging out with little babies for pay sure beats waitressing, i have time to workout, and i love living in a house in carrboro. it's nice to finally be in a house and off campus--it does make me feel a bit more like a grown up :) but carrboro really is great--this place really is a community. this morning my 2 former roommates and my 2 current roommates and i walked over to the weekly farmer's market in the town commons. it was the perfect day with just enough breeze--and plenty of cool stuff for sale (though i personally enjoyed people watching more than shopping). then we walked a little bit further down to weaver street and sat out on the lawn, watching children play & run, talking, and just generally enjoying the day. then we walked home through a neighborhood with great houses that were NOT all cookie cutter spit-outs. simply charming & a delightful place to spend at least these 2 months.

catching up...

who knew summer would be this busy?

i just returned from a great long weekend beach trip with my fam (great except for one day of rain and the sunburn i inevitably was left with), but i've already dived right back in to non-vacation life. in no way do i feel quite so stressed and thinly stretched as i did during the year, but babysitting jobs, papers, reading, even a test (eek!) have cropped up within this two-week period, so i have to actually time-manage (eww).

so, now that i have a minute, a few thoughts from this past week...

• i hope you'll let me know your own thoughts on this one. my Hebrew Bible teacher made a comment in class that i have been pondering ever since he said it. he said that orthodox Christianity professes belief in a triune God--the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. (Okay, we're good so far, i thought, where is this going??) Then he took me aback when he said that he thinks today many Christians profess belief in a four-part God: the Father, the Son, the Spirit, and the book. and it's made me wonder, when did the sanctity of the bible really get its start? i know Martin Luther probably had a lot to do with it, and perhaps the folks at the council of Nicaea before that--but is that it, or is there more, something significant, in the text itself that paved the road for the belief in biblical inerrancy? i've been having a lot of thoughts along these lines over the past year--certainly a product of my courses in the reli dept--and maybe this comment from my teacher is just another one-sided remark that should be taken with a grain (or teaspoon) of salt. but it made me think.

• i know everyone loves to laugh at those church signs you see on the side of the road with some witty saying that catches your attention. just type in 'funny church signs' in google search and plenty of them come up. my favorite from doing that: "be ye fishers of men--you catch them, He'll clean them" and "prayer is the ultimate wireless connection". but this weekend as we were driving down to the beach, i saw one that said this: "you may party in hell, but you'll be the BBQ"--how clever, memorial day-themed! i'm not going to lie, i did laugh when i read it. but then i immediately thought, how is a non-Christian going to read that? does anyone really think someone would read that and think, oh yea, that sign is right. i don't want to burn, let me go in and ask about Jesus. i mean, maybe that was the original intention of such signs--but let's get real. i imagine someone like my atheistic sister reading that and hating the christian church even more. and is that kind of response really worth the chuckle we get out of it? DEFINITELY not.
  

• ok on a less theologically-charged issue: i had a very weird out-of-body/Halloween-ish, type experience last week when i was babysitting. i took my little 4-month old on a walk last Wednesday afternoon. here's the thing--i sit for him on campus. so taking him on a walk involved pushing the stroller around south campus, which is totally different than pushing a stroller around a neighborhood. i felt like EVERYONE was staring at me--almost like, aww, that poor girl, trying to do school and raise a little baby. like they were afraid to look me in the eye because i was in a pitiable situation. it was so weird to role-play for half an hour as a unmarried young mom. i really took on the role, put myself in those shoes, and it was weird. maybe next time i'll just wear a sign that says "just the babysitter"
  

and a thought from the paper i've been working on tonight...

as a religious studies major, do i just write papers based on what i know my teachers want to hear, even if i don't agree with what i'm saying? okay, i think i can easily answer yes to that question, so my real question is this---is that bad? does it make me two-faced? am i living a double life with one foot in academia and one in faith? i don't entirely disbelief everything that i have written on papers or tests, but a lot of that stuff certainly wouldn't align with what they teach you in sunday school. and i think that's okay--if we were a bunch of believers who only knew as much as our sunday school teachers taught us (Lord love them--heck, i've even been one of them for kids at my church) we'd probably be in trouble. but where do i draw the line between the skeptical (at best) scholarly approach of my professors and department and the faith if profess? i hate to feel like i am 'letting God down' by writing papers that unapologetically slash at my Christian beliefs, but i also fear that i'm letting my professors down if i'm writing papers that they want to hear but i don't actually support the claims i make.

gotta run--watching hairspray with the summer roomies :) too much laughing and singing to keep up the typing

here i am, all of me

so i promised i would start this blog--both for myself and for all my beloveds to keep up with me--and here it is! i hope you will join me for this incredible journey i'm about to start into the real world (cue scary background music) and into the Lord's service. i know this blog will be a great way for me to process all the things i'm going to experience in the next year--and i want all of you to be there with me for that. you've helped me to discover who i really am thus far, so i want you to see who i am about to become.

in a little less than 2 months (right after the wedding of miss betsey smith) i am packing up my LIFE and moving to lexington, ky--about 6ish hours from my hometown of charlotte, nc. and no--i don't really know anyone there, but i'm excited to dive into a church community that will become my new family. i trust that what all my carolina friends and fellow IV'ers have been for me at carolina, my church family at crossroads will be for me this coming year. it's going to be a big transition, i know, but i believe competely that God led me to this experience and is getting ready to rock my world with the things He has in store for me. i'm still not sure if i'm ready to leave college behind--i love UNC sooo much. the campus, the people, the town, the sports, my friends, my church, heck, even my classes (yes i'm a religious studies dork--too bad i only figured that out for my senior year. that's another story). but if i think back to freshman year, i was terrified coming to this place, and now i don't want to leave. so i trust that even if i initially transition poorly (or more likely--awkwardly) to ky, it will feel like home in no time. and i am ready to be in that new place with new people--moving on to the next stage.

there's a couple of reasons i chose the blog title that i did. "give yourself wholly" is a snippet from a verse in 1 Timothy that the Lord has led me to meditate on as i prepare for the upcoming year in ministry:

"set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity...be diligent in these matters, give yourself wholly to them" (4:12, 15).

though this is only one aspect of how i am preparing myself to enter ministry, i think it is an important one, especially working with youth. i am not perfect, only Jesus is. but i need to make a commitment to living my faith by example because i will be in a position where impressionable young friends will be looking to me as a Christian sister and role model--& i want them to see that i put my money where my mouth is, so to speak. i'm not someone who spurts bible verses at them all the live-long day and then goes out back to smoke a cigarette and curse up a storm. faith in action--for me this will mean everything from being consistent with quiet times to abstaining from alcohol. it doesn't mean that i will cover up my weaknesses or try to hide the fact that i am broken. but it does mean that i need to be self-disciplined and not be a stumbling block for the very people i am supposed to be ministering to.

the blog title is also influenced by one of my favorite dcb songs: wholly yours. i love how this song plays on wholly/holy homophone--God is holy, and He calls us to be wholly His. my favorite part of the song goes like this,

"here i am, all of me, finally everything, wholly, wholly, wholly Yours"

. ok, well i really love all the lyrics to that song, but i journaled about that verse as i was still in the decision-process about kentucky. i believe it's the most i can offer to God--my whole self. whether that is my whole broken self, my whole sinful self, my whole confused and lost self, etc, it's still all of me and that's what God desires. so i'm ready to spend this next year (and my life) giving all of myself to Him and what He calls me to do.

ok, this is getting a bit long, and i really want you all to read without getting bored, so i'll save some other things i'm thinking about for next time
--other verses/books i'm thinking about to prepare for next year and generally how i've been growing spiritually this past year
--the OT class i'm taking this summer and my teacher who enjoys drop-kicking things that Christians believe about the Hebrew Bible

thanks for sticking with me---plenty more to come! love, whitney

ps--everyone should check out amanda's blog (my summer roommate!). it's called buxon.