concert-going and mind-scanning

hello fall!

it's been a lovely, chilly weekend despite my lingering sniffles and coughies. i've decided that i have to make airbourne a part of my daily regimen, because being constantly sick, at varying levels, for the past 3 weeks is not okay. i love my kids, but they really are like walking snot rags, Lord love them. thankfully i was able to take a sudafed last night, which effectively dried out my nose (and turned my mouth into a wad of cotton) in time for for my birthday concert. for the second year in a row, my favorite band, Rush of Fools, came to town on my birthday weekend. since my dearest K-wood (friend, ex-roomie, and fellow ROF fan and concert-goer) was detained in Chicago with her inner-city ministry and general changing the world goings-on, my mom offered to take me. we had such a blast! since we got lost down the backroads of Indian Trail, NC, we arrived a little late and managed to find a seat in the last pew of the balcony, which ended up being a nice view. the opening act, jason gray, was witty and talented --a combo which led me to buy his cd at intermission. check him out!

then out came Rush of Fools. these guys are such fun and they are genuinely leading worship during their concerts. their songs are scriptural and relevant and sound like the band has spent a lot of time on their faces before God--a place where we all need to be a little more. i loved it, and felt, like last year, that they didn't play long enough :) fortunately we got to meet them (and Big Daddy Weave, the other headlining band) afterward. we came to the autograph table right behind this girl of about 16 or 17. she was gushing on and on to the band and giving them artwork and recording messages for her absentee-friend. i watched on with amusement and couldn't help but see a bit of my middle-school self in her. in fact, if I had ever had the chance to meet Hanson, she would probably look tame compared to me ;) i mention this only because I am thankful that young Christian girls have an amazing group to admire and obsess over, if they must. this band, and others like them, are never going to put out bad lyrics or say offensive things. they're never going to take advantage of their fans. they selflessly wait for the seemingly endless line of fans to file by, with a smile and an autograph and a picture for everyone. that's really a ministry in itself. besides, we looked significantly un-crazy by following the energetic girl through the line, bless her heart. and i think there's something special about being able to personally thank artists whom God has led to touch your own heart and your own walk with Him through their music.

Rush of Fools

Big Daddy Weave

friday was somewhat eventful as well. i finally got my stitches out, thank goodness. all's well there. then i had my second life coaching session. hmmm. i've never done any professional counseling--all my mentoring and discipleship experiences have been, obviously, very personal and relationship-driven. there's been a softness and deep understanding and genuine connection in those relationships. in this coaching setting, i've felt somewhat berated, quite honestly, despite the general pleasantness of the conversation. i'm frustrated because i've only met with this woman a couple times, and i have a hard time with her urging me towards decisive actions when she doesn't understand my personality or motivations or general modus operandi. it's all too in-your-face (quite literally) and superficial. i'm sure this experience will do me some good and help straighten out, to a degree, my directionally-challenged life, but i don't much like it. i'd rather have my girls...kristen, bets, rach--are you free this wednesday???

she did introduce me this week to an interesting personality assessment called mindscan. it's a test that gives you two series of statements, and asks you to rank them from best to worst. the statements, the first set being more general, the second being more "work" focused, range from the obviously good and bad, to items which were a little more vague or more easily variable among people. the way you choose to rank each set produces a "thinking overview" for the world and for the self.

the majority of my results were right on target. i'm highly empathetic and aware of others' feelings. i'm skeptical about absolutes and defining things as black and white. i'm experiencing role frustration (difficulty deciding what i want to do). i have a very strong sense of and dedication to my responsibilities, values, and commitments, and these things are my principal source of internal motivation.

i was happy to hear one result in particular: i tend to put myself below others and disregard my own feelings in comparison to what should be done. my immediate reaction was, 'wow, maybe i am getting a little bit of this Christian lifestyle-thing right!' putting others above myself sounds right-on with many of Christ's teachings, though i'm hardly claiming to do this all the time! but my coach thought this was the one area I need to "work on." i understand that failing to find time for yourself and ignoring your "unique personhood" isn't an all-the-time good thing. and i have had more than enough "me" time in these last few months. but i have never been one to over-appreciate myself. i have a hard time mentioning or even acknowledging all of my accomplishments thus far, some of which are pretty impressive. i hate talking about myself like that. i'm proud of what i've done, but it's not about me. it never has been and never will be. Christ not only calls us to be humble, but He calls us to die to ourselves. whatever good or great things i've achieved, it is a stepping stone on the path of serving Him for His glory. i'm a reflection of God--i don't want to spend the time talking about myself or praising myself, but talking about Him and praising Him.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others. Phil. 2:3-4.

i'm trying.