seeking: church

i hate the phrase "church shopping," and other ways in which people equate their church experience with levels of customer satisfaction--needing to find a church that fits one's specific needs, wants, comfort level, etc to the point where you could just as easily be searching for a new car or a pair of nice jeans.

i also think i'm afraid of church shopping. like virtually every church, mine has been through it's share of lows. i've watched seemingly committed families uproot their children when things get tough. i've noticed the gradual disappearance of people who used to attend regularly. i've been angry that people would cop out over a pastor or worship leader leaving, or over a budget issue, or something else non-essential. God doesn't check out when the pastor makes a mistake (no matter how big or small), so neither should we.

because of these experiences, and the fact that i feel such an affinity towards my current church, i have been locked into the plan of continuing to attend this church throughout my stopover year back home in Charlotte. it will probably be only for a year, i say to myself, so why go through the trouble of finding somewhere new when this is where i've always gone with my mom, this is where my faith first started to blossom, this is where i have the committment and the joy of serving within the children's ministry.

but i've been scared to admit that this church is no longer the right place for me. i've been scared to say that aloud, even to myself, because it feels like a betrayal. it feels like i'd be cheating on my home church in search of "something better," in search of a church that "meets my needs".

and as much as those phrases still make me cringe, i've come to the realization that when your faith is in a point of stagnation, God will probably be the chief encourager of seeking a new church. a new place to worship. i feel like i haven't worshiped God corporately, in earnest, in quite some time. now this is where i hit another block, because how much of that is due to the restrictions i'm placing on myself, and how much of that is due to the worship environment and community? i know the answer to that question--but i'm still ready to seek a new place where i can escape myself and my surroundings and fully come before God in worship.

i finally made the decision to take this step when last night on the radio i heard, of all things, a stephen curtis chapman song. here's the chorus:

I want to make much of You, Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

those are the desires i feel so deeply in my heart. right now, i am not living them out. so i am ready. i am ready to again make my life one of praise, to take seriously the Gospell of Christ and His call on my life. i miss Jesus. right now, He and I are like friends who have fallen out of touch. we haven't been in a fight, i'm not angry at Him or doubting His affections. i'm just on a self-imposed hiatus that I never meant to begin. and i'm ready for it to be over so I can make much of all He is.

i also am sick to my stomach for lack of fellowship. you could count the number of young adults at my current church on one hand. i thought i would be okay with that. but i'm not. i would give anything for a small group of people my age, a Sunday school class where I can talk about Scripture with people who see things from a similar generational perspective, a group of people to hang out with, to be a fraction of the community network I had at Carolina in IV.

i think the thing that pushed this decision forward was talking, albeit briefly, with my mom about the fact that our church is not functioning at a capacity to serve a community of people my age. and there's nothing wrong with that--we're a small community that simply doesn't have a young adult population. so i'm off in search of one. i hope to find a place where i can worship on Saturday or Sunday night, so that I won't abandon my volunteer opportunities or just completely detatch myself from this community in which I've become so ingrained. a couple of years ago I attended Sunday night services at this great church called Mosaic that met in a bar, had really loud, soul-consuming worship, and a pastor who was raised a Muslim in the Middle East, which I thought was just really awesome. i might check that out again, at least this weekend while i'm still in the early stages of searching, but it's a bit of a drive.

so if anyone out there is in the charlotte area and knows of a great church that would welcome me in, i'd love to hear about it! i'm also hoping to check out charlotte one when i'm done with choir rehearsals in december, if anyone would like to join!