ridiculous.

so.

i just received a call from my friends down at Emory. apparently they have an extra scholarship lying around. and they want to give it to me.

that would be a scholarship + $7000 a year. quite comparable now to my offer at BU.

the only catch is, this scholarship is for students pursuing ordination--which, in my application to Emory, I did not indicate as one of my vocational goals. I've mentioned in a previous post that I wasn't excited enough by my ordination discussion with my pastor to consider beginning candidacy, and didn't feel that my career choices would be limited by remaining a lay minister. that being said, i certainly wasn't intending to completely rule out ordination. before this phone call today, i was planning to keep an open mind in the fall, trusting that my experiences in seminary would open my eyes to specific vocational opportunities and make clear to me the benefits of ordination. in that time, i obviously would listen for the call to ordination to become stronger.

and that's what i told my admissions friend on the phone today, not wanting to lie my way into seven grand, obviously.

my stipulation, then, is this: to contact my UMC district superintendent and begin the early steps in the candidacy process for ordination.

also, i haven't accepted this scholarship, just been offered it. it is my thought that Emory knows the specifics of my offer from BU (I passed along the generics of it) and is leveling the playing field. for which i am SO thankful. i really want to go to Emory. i am visiting Boston this week, and was going to try the visit from an unbiased perspective, but now, quite frankly, BU is going to need to knock my socks off to win me over. which is how it should be--i can compare more comfortably on the scholastic level without $8000 lingering over my shoulder and whispering in my ear.

my question is this--is this God nudging me, not only to attend Emory without any regrets, but also towards the pursuit of ordination? or am I allowing myself to be forced into a decision that I'm not fairly prepared to make? I also wonder, what happens if I still, after undergoing the candidacy process, decide that God truly isn't calling me to ordained ministry--as far as the stipulations of the scholarships dictate? Do I have to pay $21,000 back? And these questions feel so icky to me--mixing God's call and finances. Blech. I pray I will find it in me to make these decisions with a clear conscience and trust the path down which God has again turned my feet. What a beautiful wide open future I have before me! Despite all the decisions to yet be worked out, I rejoice most fully in that!

And I know that, should I accept this scholarship, a lot of these questions can & will be answered. But I ask for your continued prayers & support as I ponder them myself. I'm off to Boston on Monday--so perhaps by this time next week I will know where I'm going to spend the next 3 years of my schooling & my life!