you aren't home, but you are here now

i saw the above phrase written on the sidewalk outside an apartment complex when i went running last night. a profound twist on those signs that places put up that say "if you lived here, you'd be home now." ok, i'm about to expose how much of a true dork i am, but the first thing i thought when i read that was "denn wir haben hie keine bleiben de statt", which is the opening line of my favorite movement of brahms requiem. in english, the section quotes hebrews 13:14--

"for here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come"

on the deepest level (and ironically the first one that came to mind--am i too introspective??), this bit of graffiti reminded me that in the REALLY big picture of this life, i'm not home, but i am here. and i believe i am here to fulfill a God-given purpose, to make a difference in some way for Christ and His people in this world (alot of thinking for an afternoon run, huh?). with a little more thought later, i decided that this little phrase can also apply to my time in chapel hill this summer (which i'm sure my faithful readers will recognize as something i'm working hard to define :] )--this place isn't technically my home anymore, or at least not for much longer. i can't pretend that i'm still a carolina student or that i'll be living in this house any longer than another month at most. but i am here now.

on that note, CTOPs started today--aww, so sweet to see all the incoming first-years who are so excited and eager...and lost :] but (of course) it made me quite sad, too. in essence, these are the kids who are replacing me & my class. '08 is out, '12 is in. the rest of the student body will be essentially the same--but these newbies will join the ranks, and the graduates will be gone. ugh. no fair :P the quad will still be there, all the professors & classrooms, franklin street; basketball games & IV meetings will still go on, and all my beloveds who still have more school will come back in august--but i'll be gone. so to any & all incoming first-years everywhere, this is cliche, but enjoy every freakin' second of it.

random side-note: mariah carey can hit notes that should not be reachable by the human voice. fun to try & sing along with your roommate, though :]

changing subjects...the worship band at church yesterday did something REALLY awesome. i walked in after the music had already started, but no one was on stage. i spotted them soon after--nat on his guitar, annie on her violin, and several other singers were in a circle on the floor, center aisle. nat later explained by way of a great analogy that i think is useful for anyone who is a leader of worship, not just musically. he said, a lot of times we see worship as a football game: God is the coach, the band members are the players, and the congregation is the audience/spectators. but instead, we should worship in this way: the band is the coach, the congregation are the players, and God is the audience! this is especially awesome in light of a book i recently finished called Jim and Casper Go to Church. It's about a Christian minister and an atheist who traveled around the country attending several different kinds of churches, and the atheist would give his impressions, which were very useful since he is outside the subculture bubble. And more than once when asked about the worship music, he would rank the churches lowly, not because the talent level was down, but because it felt too much like a performance for the congregation instead of worship directed solely to God. The bulletin at church yesterday also mentioned that the service would be conducted in the spirit of the early church (no service order was given)--and that really added something special for me, too. Somehow, moving the band down among the people and taking on the attitude of the early believers made me feel connected more closely to the people around me & to the larger body of Christ spanning back to those first Christians--all coming together to sing one message of praise to our one God.

one final note for the evening--i'm getting REALLY excited about kentucky :] i don't know if it's because the last full month before i head out there is now upon us, or whether the youth group's video yearbook from this past year that i watched yesterday got me pumped, or whether God put a spirit of excitement & anticipation within in me--but i am filled with eager expectation to the brim! kind of a weird mix with all these sad, mushy 'i love carolina & don't want to leave yet' feelings--the very definition of bittersweet i suppose, is the story of my life right now. a good place to be.