lows and highs

(from Tuesday):

i forgot how awkward & uncomfortable it can be to make new friends. last night i went to a college-aged Bible study, recommended by other intern Derek, & as i walked to the door by myself, i thought how strange it is to knock on someone's door & go hang out with a bunch of people who know each other but don't know you. certainly it's one cool thing about being part of Christ's body--knowing that I could do this & be welcomed, but it still was a little squishy (i don't know if that makes sense as an adjective here, but somehow it feel like an accurate description...) of course once you start talking with people, most of that goes away. i'll just be glad to make it to the conversations that are more than introductory. (this really is all like freshman year of college all over again, just not in the lovely Chapel Hill. i can forgive you for that Lexington) i'm excited about this group though--everyone i met seemed really awesome & they seem to have a lot of social activities in addition to bible study.

i had a pretty good day at work today. we met as an XSM staff this afternoon, which was very helpful in clarifying the direction of the next couple of weeks. we also have a middle school ice cream party tomorrow afternoon, which i'm very excited about. the more chances to hang out with kids, the better!

still, even after such a good day, i get these desperate waves of loneliness with a little homesickness thrown in. it really is just such a roller coaster. fortunately this week i've been on the upside more than the down, but it still is so awfully heavy on the soul when those down moments come in.

***

okay, that last post represents the low yesterday which came out of nowhere. i called Mom once i hit that wave of homesickness, and suddenly all this junk & built-up frustrations came bubbling out & i had a good cry, for sure. i went to the Y and worked it out a bit, but it was just hard to have that all hit me out of nowhere.

today, however, was definitely more of a high. this morning i met with scott to discuss some of the ideas i'd been brainstorming from my job description. it was good to do that & now i feel like i have more direction & specific things to work on. then, around 1pm, the middle schoolers showed up! yay! we ended up having around 12 or so. when the kids got there, we moved to the gym & were going to play catch phrase for a bit, but then the battery died and scott threw it across the room (only finding out afterwards that it was my personal game, not the church's! haha--i have no idea where it is now) so then we did intros & i heard a little more smack talk about being a tar heel ;) we had a good mix of ages & boys/girls. we decided to play kickball (ooh, the 5th grade memories!) girls vs. boys. plus scott was on the girls team ;) we had fun, & topped it off with our ice cream. we made one heck of a mess, especially once we decided to pelt derek with ice cream toppings. and butter. yea.

the kids were great fun & i really enjoyed getting to know a few of them better & figuring out some more about how they think. clearly these are the best parts of the job--but the office parts are about making it meaningful.

one more thing about the day--this morning scott asked me if i had taken any youth ministry classes at unc. i was like ummmmmmmm, no. wait, i take it back, bart ehrman was my professor for that one. haha, i guess not everyone is a tar heel. reli at unc is not so much about building up people for Jesus as it is about tearing them down. broadening our minds and whatnot. so yep, i'm a moses. i have no idea what i'm doing.

Who am I that I should go?

I will be with you.

exodus 3:11,12